At home

Yesterday in the hospital I said goodbye to Emmy and to Sander, my roommates. Emmy is also from Eemnes and wanted to keep in touch. She is in her mid-seventies and has an amputated leg with a prothesis. She is a funny lady, talkative and straightforward. But now she has to learn to walk again.

Sander came in two days ago, but he’s one big smile. He is a young guy, maybe 35 or a bit older. But he suffers a great deal. He can hardly walk, and he cannot sit for more than 5 minutes because of the pain in his back. He was going through chemo for metastases in the liver (colon cancer) when something went wrong with the chemo – it was missing the antinausea medication. So he was sick for days, lost 20 kilos, and then he got an extreme pain in his back. He has a young wife and two little children. It was terrible to see someone in so much pain. When I said goodbye, he grabbed my hand and held it tight. He said he knew when he saw me that I would understand. I left both Emmy and Sander a letter with my contactinformation. Sander’s parents live two streets away from us.

Yesterday Victor took me home around 11. I had trouble talking. It was a beautiful day and I was so glad to be out of the hospital. Once we got home, I greeted Flo who hardly seemed to miss me. It’s so nice to be home again. I relaxed on my couch and later we watched two movies.

Last night I slept really well. Today it rained and I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. But once out, I took a nice shower. So much better than the showers in the hospital, which were a bit out of date, and the showerhead is placed close fo the showercurtain so that it clings to you. And its much easier to shower without being attached to an IV. To change clothes, the nurses helped me by pulling all the bags attached to my IV through my shirt sleeves.

Unfortunately my mouth still hurts and is very painful. I still can’t talk or eat. Victor and I went for a walk with Flo. I had forgotten my glasses so Victor went back and found the doctor ringing our bell. She came to me right away and asked about the pain. Since I still have a lot of pain, she prescribed a painkiller.

Victor picked up the Kalium drink from the pharmacy: its either the drink or the pills. The pills are huge and I don’t think I can swallow them. So I went for the drink, I drank 8ml of the liquid, and it felt like I was burning in hell. My throat was on fire. It was extremely painful. And I have to take this 3 times a day.

I have to drink three nutridrinks a day. I finished 2. One to go. My days are filled with taking medication, nutridrinks and doing nothing. Too bad I still can’t talk. Victor went to the pharmacy again to receive the painkillers: Zaldiar and Algix. I hope this will reduce the pain.

On monday we have an appointment at the Antonie van Leeuwenhoek Cancer Center with the specialists to discuss the options. This is really hard, but I am determined to beat this cancer!


10 Replies to “At home”

  1. Hi Sheila

    Good to hear that you’ve returned home. It must be a comfort being in a familiar environment and having Victor looking after you so well đŸ™‚ I also heard Nancy is back so that’s also nice. I hope everything goes well for you at the other hospital on Monday. They are the best so I’m praying for some positive news for you. I believe mental strength and willpower play a big part in beating this thing and I think you are doing a terrific job of staying strong and optimistic. Wishing you all the best in the days ahead.

    Lots of love,

    xx Neeraj & Natascha xx

  2. Beste Sheila, fijn dat je eindelijk weer thuis bent. Altijd lekker om weer in je eigen bed te slapen. Veilig naast Victor en zonder piepende infuuskastjes! Maar wat vervelend om te lezen, dat je nog steeds zo,n pijn hebt en niet kunt praten… En dan zorgt het drinken van het pijnstillende middel, ook nog voor een extra brandend gevoel! Vreselijk!
    Ik hoop dat ze maandag in het AVL, een goed voorstel voor verdere behandeling hebben. Ik leef enorm met jullie mee en wens je heel veel beterschap! Ik spreek ook namens Cees hoor! Hij is een paar dagen in Denemarken aan het vissen en kan jouw blog nu niet lezen.
    Heel veel sterkte ook voor Victor en succes met het gesprek maandag! Ik ga voor je duimen.
    Groetjes, Marianne

  3. Sheila, you’re very couragious. I am very glad with you that you are finally home.
    Beter zo. Ook ik zal voor je duimen maandag. Ga ervoor je bent sterk!

  4. Hoi Sheila
    Heerlijk dat je www thuis ben. Dat zal Victor ook fijn vinden.
    Niks zo lekker als je eigen bed en douche.
    Duimen voor positief nieuws morgen in het AvL!
    Lfs marijkevh

  5. Hoi Sheila,
    zo’n mooie meid in so much pain. Moeilijk om te zien en machteloos toekijkend. Ik heb veel respect voor je. Hang on! Het tij moet een keer keren!

  6. Hi Sheila,

    We’re so lucky that you’re a wonderful writer. From Virginia, I can’t easily talk to you anyway, but I can hear your voice in every written word. We’re sending LOTS of energy and love your way.

    I remember how you ran around to my Japanese teachers at Penn to pick up my tapes and homework when I was sick. I wish I could drop by with things to make you smile now (not homework…). I wanted to send you a Japanese health charm, but I’ll have to wait until January, when I’ll be in Tokyo. Until then, I’m sending healing thoughts in English and Japanese!


  7. Welkom thuis Sheila!
    Bewonderingswaardig doorzettingvermogen hoor! Hopenlijk gaat het met je mond gauw beter want dat duurt nu wel erg lang. We leven met jullie mee,
    Veel liefs van Paul en Isabelle

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